And what if you gave yourself the prize of smiling?

Joy dwells in your root
where only you
can enter to set it free.
This richness
does not depend on someone else
to sweeten or embitter you.
To laugh is an act of courage
that validates your strength...
just for existing.
Self-censorship is what you put on
when you hold back a burst of laughter
to fit into what's acceptable
and not seem out of place.
You disguise yourself as prudence,
you dress yourself in obedience.
A dimmed countenance looks better,
it's more subtle... and less risky.
Self-deception,
repeated complaints about what never arrives,
a murmur of lacks
for what you don't have... and can't have.

It's the explanation
you give yourself, false but convincing.
You justify your waiting,
you dress up defeat with words,
you lend coherence to excuses.
You are the leading lady... of the theater.
You long for the day
when you won't have to choose
between what you keep quiet and what you need,
between hiding and lying,
so that you can laugh...
laugh, without asking permission.